Thursday, May 8, 2008

Am I Evil?

There is no doubt that I am a person who is able to embrace my darker side. That is something I am comfortable with. I like to drink, have wild sex, party, etc... that constitutes about 2% of my total time on this earth. I think about doing those things another 30% of the time, or so. I have regularly posted that I feel I am also a great father, loving and loyal husband, and well respected professional. So what is the deal? Am I good or bad?

So the point is that I'm neither. There are few absolutes in life, especially when it comes to the complexity and contradictions of human behavior.

I happily revel in my ill behavior. At my job I am regularly joking about how reckless I was at a party, or how I crashed a wedding, got thrown out of a bar by my own friend, or how I.... you get the point. I also am quietly open about my lack of belief, as many of my coworkers are quietly and respectfully open about their theism. We all get along, work well together, and like each other for the most part.

So here is the fun part, the "oh shit!" moment, the "Luke, I am your father" part. My brother is a born again evangelical Christian, and an active member of his church. He is mentoring troubled kids while playing bass for a Christian metal band. They are pretty good.

My brother has had his share of tough luck, bad decisions, addictions, and general debauchery. He is really a good person with good intentions. However, he does not do well with drinking or any type of controlled substance... 2 things he has done quite a bit of. He came out of his latest incarceration as changed as I have ever seen him. He had a purpose and conviction to make a difference, get his act together, and stay clean.

I'm proud of my brother. I respect his decision. Do I believe in the same fantasy? No. Do I think he is out there doing good things? Yes. Am I doing as much as he is. No. I donate to charity. The rest of my wife and my paychecks go to living our slightly better than average lifestyle. Do I plan to change this... That doesn't matter. This blog is my difference, or at least a start. And this post, is just the beginning of that conversation.


Mojoey said...

Yes, you are evil!

or not... Drinking, smoking, wild sex... sounds good to me.

Neil Phalanx said...

Thanks. That clears that up.